Yanno that antsy feeling?

You get before something important is supposed to happen?

That's how I feel. It's almost November.Which means:NANO!!!

I'm excited for this one. I plan on participating in way more word wars and such (I did NONE last year and I didn't do well AT ALL)so that I can accomplish something.
So, I would like to once again mention #10's little sister Soap.I'll be posting all my word wars and actual writings there if you want to see them.
Also, I encourage you to do NaNo as well! It's loads of fun, really!!

Start wearing purple, wearing purple....

Not sure why I quoted that song. My ex used to sing it. Huh.

Anyway, today's post is about Spirit Day.
Today is Spirit Day, which is a day to remember all the kids who have committed suicide recently because they were being bullied on account of their sexual orientation.

Lord, how that disgusts me!!!
To think that people have felt so down, so alone, so awful, so abused, that they thought death was the only way out....
To think that OTHER PEOPLE are responsible for this.

Here's an article.

So, first of all, pretty sure I've mentioned that a LOT of what society seems to find "inappropriate" I don't see anything wrong with. That's who a person is, it's who they are, and I accept them for that.
That kinda sounds like I don't have morals. Pfft.

Anyway, some of my best friends are gay, lesbian, or bisexual. It's hey, whatever. I mean, to me, it doesn't change how I think about a person. I'm not going to poke fun at them, not be friends with them, harass them, make them try to be different, what have you, It's part of who that person is. It's like if someone tried to change that I'm gravitationally challenged. Not going to work-it's part of who I am.


But I am plan flat out DISGUSTED at this.
That just because a person is different from someone else, they are made fun of, harassed, abused. What's the reasoning in that? It doesn't make you look better as a person, for one, it hurts others, for two, and for three, how is their lifestyle hurting you? I mean REALLY??

I just...urgh. It's so frustrating that this even happens. It's infuriating. I HATE seeing my friends messed with in the first place, but specifically their orientation upsets me. How is that any different for making fun of someone because they are smart, or wear glasses, or have green eyes, or have red hair, or can't afford to wear freakin' Nike or shop at Hollister all the time??!?

Can you tell this upsets me?

This is a big contributor to my lack of faith in people as a whole.

AAAARRAAAGH!!

So, today, I'm wearing purple to remember those who thought they had nowhere else to turn. I'm wearing purple to support my friends.
I'm wearing purple to show that I'm actually human.

ANother family post!!

Yeah, whatever, call me a sap, IDC.

Pretty sure I've mentioned how much I love family right?

Well, I KNOW I've mentioned my actual family.

But I mean hey, what about ALL my families?

I mean, some of my families intertwine and I love that.

I've got my actual blood and law family, who I love tons and tons.

Then there's my "like kin" family. My best friends that I consider my family, people that have been around me and influential and that I care about. TE, Meggie, Manda, Aunt Natalie-I spent yesterday with her, she's my mum's best friend from high school and I've known her my whole life-etc.
I've got my camp family, who, even though Iwant to throw some of them off a cliff sometimes I get mad at them sometimes, I love them dearly and they are some of my favorite people in the world.
I've also got my church family-I've only known them for a little while and I love them all so much.
And then there's my basement/Wilson family (who are watching me type). We fight, we play games, we flirt (wait, what?), we're one big family EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE A PAIN IN MY hand BUTT. I love 'em.

Tata!
P7

My argument is invalid, chap.

I'M SORRY!!

I haven't posted in DAYS.

I've been pretty busy-it's mid-term week so I've been stuDYING a lot and trying to have some down time so I don't over stress.

I would like to mention November is coming up.
That means fire fighter banquet, Thanksgiving, and...duh dun..NaNoWriMo!!

For those that don't know, NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month. Thousands of writers from around the world get together, competing against each other and themselves. The challenge? To write 50,000 words of a story in a month, basically, create a novel.
I know what you're saying. "yeah, sure, whatever, sounds easy."
No, no it isn't.
You learn things about yourself during NaNo. Your limits, you're favorite kinds of caffeine, how to conquer your new carpal tunnel condition, your faith in yourself and your story, and how far you are willing to push your sanity for the accomplishment.
I did my first NaNo last year. I failed. Epically. I had maybe 10k.
So, my challenge this year is to get at least half-way. Traditionally, NaNo'ers outline a story in October, having everything planned out to write in November. We are encouraged to start new stories.
Mine is technically new. I've never put much work into it, until now. I even did RESEARCH for it. I mostly just have little tid bits written. We don't worry about fitting it all together just yet. That's what December is for. Editing.
My favorite quote from the e-mail NaNo sends beginning of October to remind us all of our previous failure the torture we are about to willingly endure the task we have set ourselves:

"Your
inner editor will be very grumpy about this, but your inner
editor is a nitpicky jerk who foolishly believes that it is
possible to write a brilliant first draft if you write it slowly enough."

 

Which is terribly, terribly true. My editing self is kind of a prick. She yells at my writing self a lot: 'Why is this here?" "How is this even relevant?" 'You'd better find a way to tie this in better..."
So, I invite you all to share in my insanity, grief, and eventual hysterics trying to prove something-that I AM insane but look what comes out of it!!


I'll keep you updated on my progress and I'll post the finished product on Chaos' sister blog, Soap .

Tata!
P7

This post is irrelevant

This post is irrelevant.

I just wanted to say how much fun I've been having.

I have fun in the lounge, at bible talk, more fun than I've had in awhile. I'm glad I have all these wonderful people in my life.

Also, thank you, Mark, for the tremendous compliment. It means a lot to me, coming from you.

I guess I just wanted to mention how thankful I am for my blessings, each and every one, even if I don't see them as such beforehand or at the time and it takes me some time to realize them for what they are.

I'm also thankful for all my readers!!

Tata
P7

"Chaotician...chaotician."

Today's post is chaos.

Or rather it's about chaos.
Also, hello to all my new readers!!

So, what about chaos?
I'm a firm believer that life is chaos, and it's the accepting of that that puts us in better control. We are better prepared for obstacles, more able to keep positive and straight-minded when something is thrown at us.

And without any chaos, what have we got? Something like a non-life.

Chaos can be anything and everything that comes into our lives and puts it off the tracks even a little. Love is chaos; teaching is chaos; learning is chaos; caring is chaos; loss is chaos; it's all chaotic.

And I love it.

Without chaos, I would no reason to live. I would have nothing to overcome, nothing to celebrate, nothing to mourn, nothing to DO, nothing to strive for, nothing holding me back, nothing for me to hurdle and be stronger for it.

The chaotic obstacles life gives us make us who we are, give us depth and meaning.

Am I waxing philosophic here? Unintentional.

Well, and, so. I'm wrapped up in chaos and I love it. It's giving me drive to accomplish things.

In reference to my blog title, a #10 can is one of those huge army cans that you see at someplace like Sam's Club (which is a bulk-buying store in America-IDK if you have it in other countries; I have an Aussie friend who said he'd never seen Wal-Mart 'til he got here). And frankly, there's a lot of it!

Also, this week I am walking barefoot because I'm pro-life (with exceptions). Tomorrow I go to an anti-violence rally, I'm wearing pink all month for breast cancer awareness (it's weird not doing something with volleyball), and later today I'm going to an energy-conservation meeting. WOO AWARENESS MONTH!

And CRAP I lost the game. It's also Lose the Game week. I mentioned that.

That's really all I have to say about that.

tata!
P7

Because I need a happy post!!!

Hello to all my readers around the world! I now have readers on five continents-EXCITING!!

Happy first day of LOSE THE GAME week!!

So, yesterday's post was kind of sad/Edgar Allen Poe depressing. Today I have a much more chipper post!!
First off this!
 If that doesn't make you at least CHUCKLE, I ask what is wrong with you. That's hilarious. If it doesn't, go watch this .

So, I'm making it a point this week to have a good week. I just hope I can BE POSITIVE DANGIT!

This post was mostly to make you lose, as it is Lose The Game week.

Now go out and make everyone else lose too!

Also, YOU MUST LAUGH!! NOW!!!!

Sunday Post

Over the past few days, I've come to a realization. Through song.

So, this post is going to seem dumb because I really just need somewhere to write what I felt about myself as I listened to this song, lyric by lyric (sort of).

I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone

I've never really wanted stand out. Ever. I mean, I wanted to leave a mark on the world, but I wanted to be the fire that no one knew about. But for some reason, I've been picked out of billions for some things. I also never wanted to be by myself. I guess that's part of why I created all my characters. I can talk to them whenever I want. about anything. That's part of the reason I've been wanting to be closer to God-my characters don't always know what to do, and they don't actually influence me. And He can actually help me.

I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're my protection
But how do I feel this good sober?

I used to feel like I had to impress everybody. I felt like I was on a pedestal, that everyone else had put me on, that I never wanted on in the first place. So I kept doing what I thought **I** wanted, but it was really just what everyone else wanted. Yeah, I wanted to help people, but I was doing it for my benefit and to see what I got out of it. That doesn't sound right in my head, but whatever. Mostly, I was high on fulfilling people's expectations. And then that got old. And I didn't feel good about it anymore.

I don't wanna be the girl that has to feel the silence
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth

When I was by myself, or just being quiet, I was going over things I had done. I knew they weren't right. My mistakes were being pointed out in front of me, every time I knew something was bad and still did it, every time something contradicted what was left of my conscience.

Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
Cause I won't remember, save your breath, cause what's the use?

I got queasy every time something I did was brought up. But I played it off, I wore a mask (as best I could). I made it a joke, to make myself feel better about it.

Ah, the night is callin'
And it whispers to me softly come and play
I, I am fallin'
And if I let myself go I'm the only one to blame

I was letting myself be put into instances that I knew weren't right. I had excuses for why I was technically hurting myself.  I guess once I realized I could help myself by letting Him help me, I could make myself a better person.

Comin' down, comin' down, comin' down
Spinnin' round, spinnin' round spinnin' round
Lookin' for myself, sober

My Realization brought me down. It took me down from the pedestal I didn't know who had built. I didn't want to feel like I did anymore. I wanted the great feeling, without the underlying striking of guilt. I wanted my own happiness.

How do I feel this good sober?

II didn't know how to make myself feel better. I was essentially lost.
And then I let God into my life.
Now, I just...IDK. I look back and don't really regret it. I'm glad I have something to look back on and make me realize what I overcame, that I can weather whatever storm is thrown at me. I feel great.

Song is Sober by P!nk.

Tata!
P7

P.S. I'm starting a blog where I'll be posting EVERYTHING I've written. I'm going back on the whole "not standing out" thing. You can see it  here . Also, Mama, don't say I KNEW IT for some of them. Please?

I could use an once or so of patience....Thanks.

I don't really know how to phrase all this without sounding like I'm complaining. 'Cause I'm not.

^Thank you for giving me a logical brain, so that I may see what others won't can't.^

I'll say now that I've not had the greatest relationships. Some have actually been close to unhealthy. But this isn't about me. I'm saying this because apparently I'm a Listener and I have no idea what, why, whatever.

Something points people with problems or just small issues to me-I never feel like I can help.
I know just listening can sometimes be all the difference in the world.

This didn't get posted yesterday because...I was doing just this. Middle of writing, HAD to make a phone call. And I hope to Highwater and back it helped.

So, I just do what I can. I listen, I say what I think. I hug if I can. (I love hugs!)
I don't understand what draws people to me.


I'm told it's because I'm accepting, which is really...IDK. I don't see it as accepting. I just...it's all the same to me. Or rather not-people are different, but it that's what makes them wonderful.

I get texts at two in the morning with four pages, simply stating what's the matter and asking what to do.

I never know what to do.

I just...do what I can. I don't always think what I say or does actually helps. But...gah.

I wish I knew what it was that causes people to think I can help. But if that's what I'm meant for, what I'm supposed to do with my life, then so be it.
But I would rather be believed to help than someone see no other way and resorts to something drastic.

Anyway, I want everyone to know that I'm always here whenever you need me, no matter what. I always listen and try to help, even if it's not what helps.

Tata!
P7

P.S.-My friend Emma's blog, is awesome sauce. I wish I could say what I mean half as well as she can.